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Slate’s New Drone Argument Blows Minds, Say Neighboring Villagers with Traumatic Brain Injuries

Why Slate's new argument that "drones save lives" doesn't hold up

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In the last few years, an uncomfortable fact has emerged: armed robots called “drones” are killing people half a world away. They fire explosives into homes, vehicles, and funeral processions, vaporizing suspected combatants as well as innocent bystanders.

And yes, the U.S. military’s drone program sounds awful. But if drones are starting to concern you, that’s just because you’re not utilizing Slate Logic yet:

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slate image1 Slates New Drone Argument Blows Minds, Say Neighboring Villagers with Traumatic Brain Injuries

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According to William Saletan’s new cover story for Slate, drones actually save lives because they kill relatively fewer civilians than traditional weaponry.

Now, some might argue that killing fewer civilians is not actually saving any lives, it’s just killing fewer people than a clumsier method might. But look at it this way: Imagine you’re driving a 1974 Dodge Monaco at full speed around a busy shopping mall. Some people might criticize you for that, too. Some people might get all hysterical and scream things like, “That’s so dangerous!” or “What are you doing?!” or “OH MY GOD, you just ran over that elderly man right there. I think he’s dead now. Is he moving? He’s not moving.”

But these people would be missing the point. The point is, think of all the lives you just saved by not driving a Hummer.

Under Slate Logic, we get to compare deaths from real drone attacks in places like Yemen to imaginary deaths caused by a hypothetical invasion of Yemen, a place we would never actually attack in the first place were it not for the use of drones. No matter the actual situation on the ground, just presuppose the alternative to drones is massive invasion. Send drones to Canada? Sure! It’d sure be a lot better than sending in actual troops. Take that, reality!

Still feeling uncomfortable about our drone program? Then you should really have a look at the full Slate article. It’ll be good for your intelligence, since it kills slightly fewer brain cells than guzzling paint thinner.

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@TheDailyDolt on Twitter

7 Responses to Slate’s New Drone Argument Blows Minds, Say Neighboring Villagers with Traumatic Brain Injuries

  1. Dea

    at

    1.If you're against any sort of warfare, you're against drones.
    2.If you're against making it easier to go to war, you're against drones.
    3.If you think war is sometimes a necessary evil, you're for drones if you want to limit casualties (fewer people die than if a plane drops a bomb from a higher altitude.
    4.If your for war because it profitable or because you like the idea of being a warrior without risking your own skin, you're pro-drone because the public will be less likely to turn on you if you're not sending their kids into the battlefield.

  2. Steve D

    at

    If you're against any form of warfare, you're against terrorism and guerrilla war. If you think those forms of warfare are permissible, you're not against war.

    • RAP77

      at

      “Terrorism,” “guerrilla war” – that’s basically what the the American Revolution was for the British.

      if the Koch’s took over the U.S. Government by unconstitutional means, would you still think the same?

      Is terrorism and/or guerrilla war ever necessary?

      Would you have fought against the Nazis?

  3. obbop

    at

    Those drones are a blessing you commoner nothings.

    Whatever is required to defend the existing status quo within the USA is all-American!!!!

    The wealth MUST flow ever-upwards to the proper, deserving hands.

    USA corporate presence wherever it wants to be is FREEDOM!!!!

    No amount of commoner blood spilled is too much to keep the USA ruling masters in power; even commoner USA citizen blood.

    Love it or leave it.

    You DO support the troops, don't you?

    Besides, it IS for the children.

    USA!!! We're Number ONE!!!!!!!

    OBEY!!!!

  4. rabiesface

    at

    Do you argue with the facts in the article? All it is saying is that drones reduce the amount of civillians killed compared to other weapons, that’s all it says. You article writers of the daily dolt obviously don’t read the articles you are referencing, and only got writing jobs because all these websites need article writers and don’t care about qualifications apparently

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