News Magazines Can’t Decide Who’s More Jesus-y: Marco Rubio or Barack Obama?

.

.

This month, news magazines Time and Newsweek tackle the most confounding question of our age: Who is the most Jesus-y figure in American politics? While Time makes the case for Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL), Newsweek argues that President Obama’s reelection represents the Second Coming of Christ.

Let’s have a look at the facts:

The Case For Marco Rubio

• He’s even more popular than Crist himself.
• He probably has more friends named Jesús than Obama does.
• He’s a member of the Subcommittee on Near Eastern and South and Central Asian Affairs, which covers U.S. relations in Jesus-y hot spots like Bethlehem, Nazareth, and Jerusalem.
• Both Jesus and he are pretty relaxed on the subject of climate change.
• He’s tight with the Jews. Then again, so is Obama so this one’s probably a draw.
• He’s friendswith Tim Tebow.

The Case For Barack Obama

• Both Obama and Jesus are well-known prophets of Islam.
• Jesus has expressed support for President Obama’s tax plan.
• Both were community organizers.
• Both wear sandals on a regular basis.
• People really like to depict Obama and his inner circle in oil paintings and stained glass. No one’s putting Marco Rubio in stained glass as far as we know.
• Marco Rubio took to Twitter today to deny he is the Savior. Barack Obama has never denied he’s the Savior, so it’s still possible.

There is only one savior, and it is not me. #Jesus

— Marco Rubio (@marcorubio) February 7, 2013

 

Check back after their State of the Union speeches for the final verdict.

 /