Texas Attorney General Posts Web Ads to New Yorkers: Want Guns And Lower Taxes? Move To Texas!
The target audience. Two examples of the millions of New Yorkers who are now planning to move to Waco, buy a gun, and spend their Friday nights watching high school football.
Photo: Eric Parker/ The Streetzine
Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has issued two new web ads aimed at disgruntled ‘Muricans living in Manhattan and Albany. The ads, which started running on Wednesday, invite New Yorkers to move to Texas if they’re not satisfied with their state’s new gun control measures:
Is Gov. Cuomo looking to take your guns? Sick of the media outing law abiding gun owners? Are you a lawful NY gun owner seeking lower taxes?
Another ad reads:
Wanted: Law abiding New York gun owners looking for lower taxes and greater opportunity.
Millions of Manhattanites are no doubt currently staring at these web ads this morning, mouths agape, thinking to themselves, “Wait a minute. You mean I’ve been working as an actor/waiter/personal assistant for the past 10 years, paying $3,000 per month to live in a converted walk-in closet with not even so much as a pistol to protect myself … for nothing??? I mean, I just accidentally wandered onto this island and never really considered the possibility that other places might allow me to own a gun or a super-sized soft drink. To think, this whole time I could have been an insurance agent living in a sprawling suburban ranch house with an assault weapon or seven, and I didn’t even realize it. Why did nobody tell me this before?“
The web ads direct the newly enlightened New Yorkers to click on a group sign-up page on Facebook that includes a another message from Abbott encouraging them to move to Texas:
Here in Texas, you will have the liberty and the opportunity to achieve your dreams. On top of that, we have no income tax, yet still manage to have a multi-billion dollar budget surplus. You’ll also get to keep more of what you earn and use some of that extra money to buy more ammo.
Sold.
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. Otherwise we’ll be forced to move to Texas. You don’t want us to have to move to Texas, do you? Like, maybe Austin… but yeah no. Please just buy something so we can stay here in our walk-in closet and feel important about ourselves.
. Otherwise we’ll be forced to move to Texas. You don’t want us to have to move to Texas, do you? Like, maybe Austin… but yeah no. Please just buy something so we can stay here in our walk-in closet and feel important about ourselves./
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Appellate attorney, admirer of funny people, Dolt.
Latest posts by Linda (The Daily Dolt) (see all)
Barjack
January 17, 2013 at 4:48 am
They forgot to mention that the average citizen makes about $3 an hour. Who under God's blue sky would want to move to S#!tville, Texas, where you only get to "use" the one functional brain for about 2-1/2 minutes a year, then pass it on to the next cowbum?
Linda the Dolt
January 17, 2013 at 5:58 am
Hey now, there are plenty of nice, intelligent people in Texas, mostly either living in Austin or being held against their will in other parts of the state.
/For all the people who send me hate emails every time I make fun of their state, I'm fucking kidding. There are plenty of better things in this universe to be offended by.
Barjack
January 17, 2013 at 4:22 pm
Hey, you can make fun of Michigan any time you want to. It deserves it.
Linda the Dolt
January 17, 2013 at 5:54 pm
True dat. Wait, are you from Michigan? I grew up there.
Barjack
January 18, 2013 at 6:05 pm
From where in dis wunnaful water wonderland did you ascend ('cause anywhere else is up)? (except Ann Arbor, of course)
Linda the Dolt
January 19, 2013 at 3:43 am
Hillsdale age 0-10, Saline age 11-24. You???
Linda the Dolt
January 21, 2013 at 11:38 am
Actually, I should have said Hillsdale ages 0-10, Saline ages 11-18, Ann Arbor 18-14.
Barjack
January 20, 2013 at 10:43 am
Hey, I used to spend every Sat. pawing through junk at the Hillsdale auction at the fairgrounds. Got some really neat stuff there. Did you go to Hillsdale College?
I started out at Brooklyn, home of the redneck festival, MIS, moved to Nova Scotia CA for 5 yrs, now back to Adrian. I keep circling Ann Arbor, but its too rich for my blood.
Linda the Dolt
January 21, 2013 at 11:37 am
You mean "The Greatest Fair on Earth"? I definitely remember eating elephant ears there every summer growing up.
No, I didn't go to Hillsdale College — a little too small and conservative for me. I went to University of Michigan and Eastern before heading to NYC.
Barjack
January 21, 2013 at 4:15 pm
My granddaughter is in her second year at Eastern right now. She covets U of M but it's probably not in the cards for her. I hear ya on Hillsdale college – after reading your blog, I'm sure you weren't a tight fit in Hillsdale.
Godfree
January 17, 2013 at 6:41 am
Only slightly off topic by way of history – I can still hear LBJ's voice in my head: "My fellow Merkins"…
Linda the Dolt
January 17, 2013 at 6:43 am
Ha, that spelling gives it a whole other meaning :)
Barjack
January 17, 2013 at 4:19 pm
Isn't a 'Merkin' some kind of a pickle? Oops, no! thats gherkin . . . sorry!
David Forbes
January 17, 2013 at 8:02 pm
The reason that there is a multi billion dollar surplus is that the State government spends practically nothing on health or education. The jobs available are generally in places like Walmart and McD's, unless you are a mechanic and willing to work 14 hr days in 110 degree temps in the fracking industry – with a worthless workmans comp program, so don't get hurt. And it's a right to work state. I'd pass if I were y'all.
Barjack
January 20, 2013 at 10:48 am
Our wunnaful guv'ner just made Mushygan into a right to work state. He so admired that shining example, scott walker that he copied his script. Locked everybody out of the state house and passed the bill. That's Dumbocracy.