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Maryland Republican: Gay Marriage Debate Caused Me To Get Drunk And Crash My Boat Into a Bunch Of Kids

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untitled8 Maryland Republican: Gay Marriage Debate Caused Me To Get Drunk And Crash My Boat Into a Bunch Of Kids

An artist’s rendering of Odysseus’ Dwyer’s accident.  The Siren song of our gay overlords was too much for him to resist.

Apparently not satisfied with merely causing 9/11, the Sandy Hook massacre, and most of the world’s earthquakes, our gay overlords have smited us yet again.   Maryland Republican Don H. Dwyer, Jr. now explains how the terrifying and magical gays caused him to get drunk and crash his boat into a bunch of children, much as the Sirens of Greek Mythology once lured so many helpless sailors into the rocky cliffs of their island.

As we first reported back in August:

Maryland delegate Don H. Dwyer, Jr. has admitted that he was drinking with another man on his boat on the Magothy River when his boat struck a smaller vessel with five children on board. Dwyer’s blood alcohol level was 0.2 – twice the legal limit.

The incident comes as a surprise given Dwyer’s history as a champion for the safety of children. Dwyer, a Tea Party Republican, has previously suggested that homosexuals were a threat to children and that same-sex marriage would lead to homosexuality being taught in schools. Specifically, Dwyer has expressed fear that gay activists want to introduce sadomasochism to schoolchildren.

dondwyer 150x150 Maryland Republican: Gay Marriage Debate Caused Me To Get Drunk And Crash My Boat Into a Bunch Of Kids

Now Dwyer is opening up about what could have possibly caused a man who was otherwise so concerned with the well-being of children to get drunk and slam his boat into a bunch of five year-olds. In an interview with the Maryland Gazette, Dwyer explains that it was the gay marriage debate that led him to drink:

[Dwyer] said two events caused his drinking to increase:

First, he separated from his wife in November 2011.

Second, he felt “betrayed” by longtime allies in the State House … [who] voted for same-sex marriage, an issue he spent years crusading against.

As everyone knows — and Dwyer has previously stated – gay unions are a leading cause of reduced sanctity levels in heterosexual marriages, so when you think about it, the gays were actually responsible for Dwyer’s separation from his wife as well. In other words, the tragic accident was 100% their doing.

But… why, gay overlordsWhy do you constantly smite us with divorce and boating accidents and strange weather patterns?? What must we do to appease you?

 

 **Please help support the Daily Dolt by making all your Amazon purchases through this link right here Maryland Republican: Gay Marriage Debate Caused Me To Get Drunk And Crash My Boat Into a Bunch Of Kids.  Do it now, or we’ll tell the gays on you.

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9 Responses to Maryland Republican: Gay Marriage Debate Caused Me To Get Drunk And Crash My Boat Into a Bunch Of Kids

  1. "What must we do to appease you?"

    I'd bee a little more careful with the questions you ask.

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt

      at

      This could get interesting. We'll let you know how it turns out.

  2. Tracey

    at

    The connection is obvious, but the libs are too blind to see it. He was on a boat with another man. He was thinking about the gay marriage debate. He had naughty thoughts about the other man, so he had NO CHOICE but to drink himself into a stupor to avoid acting on those naughty thoughts. This is entirely the gay lobby's fault. If they hadn't brought up the subject of gay marriage, the only thing he would be thinking about is fishing. So of course they are responsible for the harm to the children.

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt

      at

      Oh obviously. I don't know how I missed this.

  3. Laura

    at

    I can't believe how much power my being gay has over world events. Strangely, I can't seem to get the Xerox copier unjammed at the office but I can ruin mankind as we know it. What a jerk.

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt

      at

      Ah, no. Xerox machines are controlled by birth control users. You'll need to take this issue up with them. Gay people only control weather events, boating accidents, divorce, and the occasional terrorist attack. Try to keep up, Laura.

  4. Nutcases like this guy constitute a majority of legislators here in Georgia, so as embarrassing as this must be to the state of Maryland, the citizens can always say "Well at least, thank God, we don't live in Georgia."

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt

      at

      You're Gone With the Wind Fabulous and don't you ever forget it, Atlanta. http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/gone-with-the-wind-f

      Sorry for the digression. I hear "Georgia" and that's all I can think of. But yeah, that's got to be frustrating. Maryland passed marriage after all; Georgia's not even close.

      • Barjack

        at

        . . . and isn't Georgia literally biting the hand that feeds them, via their slightly overdone (and under-constitutional) immigration law – where the jawja fahma's get to bury their rotting crops for lack of someone to pick them?