Climate Change Skeptic Donald Trump Forced To Kill $24 Million Jones Beach Project Due to Superstorm Sandy

Womp, womp.

Whether he’s arguing that President Obama was born in Kenya despite overwhelming documentary proof to the contrary or using a fork to eat pizza even though pizza was clearly designed by God Himself to be eaten by hand, Donald Trump has never shied away from taking the  obviously incorrect more challenging side of a debate.  Even the man’s hair refuses to be cowed by conventional wisdom.

And so, with nearly all scientists agreeing that climate change is real, it was not surprising when Trump called the phenomenon a Chinese conspiracy to destroy American economic greatness. Nor was it particularly surprising when he then further thumbed his nose at  scientific consensus by planning a $24-million catering hall-restaurant right on Jones Beach, i.e., the precise location where New York City glances haughtily at the Atlantic Ocean and says, “why hello there, nature, I dare you to smite this grand metropolis and find out who wins.

And then, one  day in October, the Atlantic Ocean eventually replied, “Yes, I shall smite you, you penis-shaped little island, you. I shall smite your trendy  footwear, I shall smite the refrigeration in your downtown cheese shops and turn them all into stinking, gloppy heaps of rotten foot fungus — but I shall especially smite your beachfronts. And this royal smiting shall be called ‘Sandy.'”

Spoiler alert: Satisfyingly ironic plot twist to follow.

Yesterday, Donald Trump and New York’s parks commissioner Rose Harvey announced jointly that the ‘Trump on the Ocean’ project at Jones Beach (which would have involved the construction of a full basement in violation of building codes) has been officially cancelled due to severe damage from Superstorm Sandy and the prospect of similarly freaky weather events in the future. Said Harvey:

Sandy has opened everyone’s eyes to the potential risks of building directly on the oceanfront…

As we face sea level rise and the threat of future damaging storms, we have concluded that building a major new facility directly on the oceanfront, on the scale of the Trump project, is not prudent policy.

Naturally, Trump did not agree with this totally reasonable, jointly-issued explanation which is based on the fact that climate change makes weather events such as Sandy both more likely and more severe due to rising sea levels, though.  Instead he claimed that he was only cancelling the project out of the goodness of his heart, as this might be an “inappropriate time to be building a luxury catering facility-restaurant when so many people have been wiped out from their homes.”
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Photo: Gage Skidmore


One Response to Climate Change Skeptic Donald Trump Forced To Kill $24 Million Jones Beach Project Due to Superstorm Sandy

  1. Anonymous


    Wait a minute… are you saying that thing on his head is hair???