Apparently seeking to extend its 15 minutes as the nation’s hottest new Weirdo Conservative State You’re Glad You Don’t Live In, Michigan has followed up its controversial right-to-work law and recent tax-breaks-for-fetuses-but-not-actual-children bill with what the state GOP is calling the “conscience objection bill.” Hmm, sounds Republican-y already and we don’t even know what it’s about yet!
And it is. Senate Bill 975, which was approved Dec. 6, was introduced by Sen. John Moolenaar (R-Midland) and co-sponsored by nearly the entire Republican caucus. The bill would allow hospitals to deny services that run contrary to the to the organization’s “conscience.” And by “conscience,” obviously they mean “religious dogma that is based entirely on what some crazy people decided thousands of years ago and has nothing to do with universal, secular notions of ethical behavior that we can all agree on regardless of religious belief” (to be fair, that would have made the bill’s name really long).
So what does this mean? Well, obviously, this is going to make access to birth control and abortion pretty inconvenient for some people, because Michigan has some desolate areas up in the northern parts (seriously, we’re from Michigan and we’ve never even been to the Upper Peninsula; just meeting someone who says they’re a Yooper is like a unicorn-sighting). And if you’re gay or lesbian, we bet you’ve already put your thinking cap on and deduced that this bill probably isn’t good news for you either, because weirdo conservative Christian laws generally tend not to be. And you would be exactly right! Under the proposed law, if a hospital finds your gayness objectionable, it’s perfectly free to deny family planning services to you or pretty much any other medical service relating to your heathen life style.
Personally, we’re really hoping a group of Orthodox Jews move to Michigan and set up their own hospital there:
Patient: ”Yeah, I’ve just been having a lot of indigestion recently? I’ve tried Tums but it doesn’t seem to work.”
Dr. Rosenblatt: ”Interesting. And what has your diet consisted of lately?
Patient: ”Oh, you know, typical Michigan stuff. Eggs, cheese, bacon, ham, that sort of thing. The occasional Red Lobster for date night.”
Dr. Rosenblatt: ”Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let me stop you right there. We don’t support that kind of lifestyle here at Beth Israel – Sault Ste. Marie. Go find yourself a gastroenterologist somewhere else, buddy.”
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Photo Credit: Bugsy Sailor via Flickr