Conservative Pollster: Nate Silver’s Numbers Can’t Be Accurate Because He Seems Kinda Gay
Chambers: “Screw your poll numbers, I’m going home.”
Eric Cartman Dean Chambers has released a bombshell investigative report which thoroughly proves that the polls numbers offered by New York Times statistician Nate Silver are hopelessly skewed by a liberal bias. Among the damning proof Chambers offers is the fact that Silver seems kinda gay, which, as everyone knows, leads to inaccurate poll numbers:
Nate Silver is a man of very small stature, a thin and effeminate man with a soft-sounding voice that sounds almost exactly like the “Mr. New Castrati” voice used by Rush Limbaugh on his program. In fact, Silver could easily be the poster child for the New Castrati in both image and sound. Nate Silver, like most liberal and leftist celebrities and favorites, might be of average intelligence but is surely not the genius he’s made out to be. His political analyses are average at best and his projections, at least this year, are extremely biased in favor of the Democrats.
Well, we’re convinced. Sure, Silver might be the most respected political statistician in history, but nothing skews a poll more than a limp wrist trying to operate a calculator properly. Inevitably, the wrong buttons get pushed.
Chambers, on the other hand, apparently is not afflicted with Silver’s wrist disability. Indeed, his website is entitled unskewedpolls.com, so obviously his poll numbers must not be skewed. Plus, as the Examiner reports, Chambers is “an Internet journalist and commentator, [who] launched his writing career by creating an alternative conservative student newspaper while in college,” so you know he has the qualifications to provide accurate polling numbers.
As you may recall, Nate Silver correctly predicted the winner of 49 of the 50 states in the 2008 presidential election, as well as all 35 Senate races. The only state he missed was Indiana, which he predicted would be won by McCain but ultimately went for Barack Obama
by 1%. But, you know, he was probably less of a fairy back then. Nowadays, Silver’s hot, hot man-love for Barack Obama has led him to predict a 74.6% chance of an Obama victory on November 6.
And now, just for your entertainment, Stephen Colbert’s report on Dean Chambers, conservative hero:
*If you’re able to operate a computer properly, please click on this very helpful link we are providing right here and buy something on Amazon.com. If you are afflicted by Nate Silver’s limp wrist disability and are incapable of clicking on the link, please ask one of your straight friends to help you.
Appellate attorney, admirer of funny people, Dolt.