A Treatise On Douche-Nozzlery: Richard Mourdock (R) Claims He Has GAINED Voters Because Of His Recent Rape Comments
A hearty congratulations, sir.
We apologize in advance for this lengthy introduction, but recent events necessitate that we discuss something that has been irking us for quite some time. We are speaking of the tragedy that has befallen the term “douche nozzle.”
“Douche nozzle” used to be such a satisfying term, and yet … it has come to be abused. With people going around calling every ex-boyfriend or bad driver a douche nozzle, most of us do not even realize that the term actually has a highly specific meaning.
In order for one to be a true douche nozzle, one must not only (1) say or do something asinine, one must also (2) say or do said ass-hattery with such a profound sense of arrogance that one is utterly devoid of any self-awareness whatsoever. In other words, if you are just an ass hat, but you at least have enough self-awareness to suspect you might be an ass hat, then you are not a douche nozzle (see, e.g., Snooki). If you are arrogant but not completely terrible at life, then you are likewise not a douche nozzle (see, e.g., Kanye).
Which brings us to Richard Mourdock (R-IN). Earlier this week, Mourdock gave America a giant, collective face-palm when he asserted that rape babies are a gift from God. Even Haley Barbour called him “kinda crazy.” But at that point, Murdouck was just an idiot, possibly a misogynist. He met requirement #1, but we did not have proof at that point that he met the second requirement.
But then he opened his mouth again on Thursday.
The Indianapolis Star asked Mourdock whether voters might not vote for him because of his remarks, Mourdock said:
I haven’t heard of those voters.
Then Mourdock was given an example of one voter who had, in fact, stopped supporting him. He said this person was being ludicrous:
I assured all women that the issue of rape is a serious issue. It is not one that my God condones. If anyone thinks that I would condone that, that’s a ludicrous point of view.
The Star reporter then had the good sense to go one step further. Asked if his campaign had actually gained votes due to the abortion comment, Mourdock replied:
I know we did.
And so we congratulate you, Mr. Mourdock. You are now officially a douche nozzle.
*And now we need to be a little douchey ourselves: Remember that thing you’ve been meaning to buy on Amazon? You know, that one thingy? Why not be awesome and buy it through this super helpful link we are providing right here
/
Appellate attorney, admirer of funny people, Dolt.
Latest posts by Linda (The Daily Dolt) (see all)
- Weary of Constantly Being Right About Military Matters, Rumseld Turns Astute Judgment to Gay Marriage Debate - May 23, 2013
- IRS Update: America’s Most Hated Gov Agency Pretty Terrible at Public Relations - May 22, 2013
- Benghazi “One of the Worst Incidents,” Says Worst Incidents Expert Dick Cheney - May 15, 2013
Brad
October 27, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Mourdock has certainly gained voters from that comment. Devout Christians believe exactly what Mourdock actually said – that all babies are a gift from God. I have relatives that are Christian and they are always crediting God for everything. That's just the way Christians think.
I guarantee you that, in a state like Indiana, there are many people who are devoutly Christian and extremely conservative on social issues, but vote Democrat because they believe the Republicans only care about rich people and/or that the Democrats are the party that cares about the working class. By making a big deal out of this comment, Democrats are alienating these people by coming off as anti-Christian.
Until the Democrats decided to adopt non-mainstream views on social issues around 40 years ago, they won almost all the time. The Republicans only adopted opposition to abortion (over the objections of staunch conservatives such as Barry Goldwater) because they'd be able to get single-issue votes from anti-abortion Catholics who are otherwise liberal. The Democrats have been losing voters for a long time because of their positions on abortion, guns and affirmative action (Democrats should endorse class-based affirmative action instead of race-based and gender=based affirmative action). If Democrats came out against abortion, the adopted the same views on guns as Republicans, embraced class-based affirmative action instead of race-based or gender-based affirmative action moved further to the left on foreign policy (full-blown non-interventionism) and economics (single-payer instead of Obamacare), they'd probably win by the kinds of margins they used to win by.
Mourdock will win in Indiana and Akin will win in Missouri. Romney will beat Obama in a landslide (he's taking PA, OH, WI, MI, IA NH, NV, FL, NH, VA and CO). It doesn't have to be this way. A populist liberalism that embraces the values most Americans hold could win. Obama-style NY-LA values Corporatism is a political loser, as it has been every time its been tried.
Amazon Promotional C
November 28, 2012 at 6:11 am
With havin so much written content do you ever run
into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of unique content
I've either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any techniques to help protect against content from being stolen? I'd really appreciate it.