Biggie and Tupac Reignite East-West Rivalry

California Governor Jerry Brown (D) and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) have commenced a brutal East Coast-West Coast war of words. We’re not exactly sure why since they’re not even direct rivals, but whatever, this totally brings us back to freshman year of high school, so we’re just going to enjoy the rivalry until Suge Knight takes things too far and one of them gets impeached in their black SUV or something.

It all started back on August 27, when Chris Christie  told the California delegation at the Republican National Convention in Tampa:

California made the bad choice by going with an old retread. Jerry Brown. Jerry Brown? I mean, he won the New Jersey presidential primary over Jimmy Carter when I was 14 years old. And now I’ve got to sit at the National Governor’s Association with this guy and have him come up to me and say, ‘Gov. Christie, stop telling people that I want to raise taxes. I’m not trying to raise taxes’ … Jerry Brown is going to establish an awfully failed record, he’s already well on his way.”

Jerry Brown then responded by… challenging Chris Christie to a foot race? We guess that’s the political world’s lamer, weirder equivalent of claiming you screwed the other guy’s wife?

There’s nothing wrong with being a little retread. Not as much hair, I’ve slowed down a little bit. But I have to tell you, I ran three miles in 29 minutes two nights ago. And I hereby challenge Governor Christie to a three-mile race, a push-up contest and a chin-up contest. Whatever he wants to bet, I have no doubt of the outcome.

But then on Tuesday, apparently not satisfied with a mere attack on Chris Christie’s footspeed, Jerry Brown decided to take this beef to the next level by making fun of Chris Christie’s “ample girth” — which we totally predicted, because ‘Pac was always the meaner one:

“I’m flying Southwest and I oftentimes take the middle seat. I don’t think Christie is taking the middle seat. So I’m doing my part for austerity.”

Please Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em.  Wait, wrong reference.  Dammit.


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2 Responses to Biggie and Tupac Reignite East-West Rivalry

  1. Tracey


    Chris Christie is nothing but a schoolyard bully. He wasn't paying attention to the Democratic primary when he was 14 years old; he was too busy stealing other kids' lunch money.

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt


      Christie is definitely abrasive, but I feel like Jerry Brown is kind of the one out of line here. I mean come on, fat jokes? Really?