With a mere days before the 2012 Republican National Convention, God appears to be considering the possibility of smiting the GOP with a weather-related disaster. Tropical Storm Isaac will be headed toward the Tampa area on Monday morning, the opening day of the convention.
Tampa Mayor Bob Buckhorn has stated that while the city is prepared for inclement weather, he is “absolutely prepared to call [the convention] off” if need be. “Human safety, human life trumps politics,” he said.
Since it is well-documented that such disasters are often the result of feminism or abortion, or — most commonly — the gays, the world is left to wonder what might be causing God to consider unleashing His fury on the Family Values party. Is it the GOP’s disregard for the Earth’s humblest inhabitants? Maybe a long-overdue smiting for starting an unnecessary war which has killed thousands upon thousands of innocent civilians and troops? Or has God simply become angered because none of His four hand-picked primary candidates were chosen as the GOP nominee?
Then again, 2012 is the first year members of the Log Cabin Republicans and GOProud will be permitted as delegates at the convention, so, you know, it’s probably just the gays again. It’s always the gays. Women have their magic rape-repelling uteruses, and the gays have their blasphemotronic weather-changing super powers. Everyone knows this.
Oddly, though, Charlotte, where the Democratic convention will be held, does not appear to be at risk for any natural disasters. But, you know, God kind of expects more out of the Republicans, so that’s probably why.