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Rep. Todd Akin Officially Has Horrible Opinions On Every Single Thing In the Universe

Goes to a Harlem Globetrotter game, bets on the Generals.

Rep. Todd Akin (R-MO), who recently won his party’s primary to challenge incumbent Claire McCaskill (D-MO) for one of Missouri’s U.S. Senate seats, has reached a remarkable milestone. With his latest campaign statement yesterday, Rep. Akin has made it clear that he now officially has horrible opinions on every single thing in the entire universe. The Kansas City Star reports:

U.S. Rep. Todd Akin, the Republican candidate, said he opposes federal spending for the National School Lunch Program, which provides cash and surplus food for nearly 650,000 school lunches in Missouri each day.

“Is it something the federal government should do?” Akin said. “I answer is no. … I think the federal government should be out of the education business.”

As his opponent notes, Akin not only wants to cut funding to feed hungry children, he actually wants to take unused, surplus food out of their mouths.

“I support federal school lunches,” [McCaskill] said. “The notion that the federal government should stop using surplus commodities to help public schools feed kids lunch is a nonstarter for me.”

McCaskill was referring to one part of the school lunch program in which the federal government buys surplus food and distributes it to public and private school cafeterias. In fiscal year 2011, the government sent surplus food such as meat, cheese and fruit worth $24.8 million to lunchrooms across Missouri.

Well, this is just a terrible stance for any human being — even a politician — to take. But that doesn’t mean everything Akin thinks is crazy, right? Like, he must be right once in a while… right? Blind squirrel getting the nut and all that? No. Rep. Akin is literally incorrect about every single thing in the entire universe:

1.)  Rep. Akin has called for a repeal of the 17th Amendment, which allows voters, rather than their state legislatures, to choose who will represent them in the Senate. He does not believe citizens should be allowed to elect their senators.

2.)  Akin, who probably DVRs “Two and a Half Men” every night, does not believe the federal government should offer student loans. “America has got the equivalent of the stage three cancer of socialism because the federal government is tampering in all kinds of stuff it has no business tampering in,” he said.

3.) Akin referred to the President  as “a flaming socialist” and thinks Obama should be impeached because he “completely ignores the train wreck of the economy.” (But… couldn’t pretty much every president in history be accused of this by the opposing party? You know what, nevermind. This guy wakes up every morning and puts on his logic-proof vest before drinking a cup of shampoo and washing his hair with burnt toast, so we’re not even going to waste our time.)

4.) Akin’s highest profile backers were former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN). Obviously.

5.)  He does not believe in a separation of Church and State and has stated that liberals hate God:

“[A]t the heart of liberalism really is a hatred for God and a belief that government should replace God…This is a systematic effort to try to separate our faith and God — which is a source in our belief in individual liberties — from our country.”

6.) He does not know what the current federal minimum wage is but thinks it should be abolished. We can only assume he wants his last meal on Earth to be gefilte fish and unwashed tripe.

7.)  Akin is opposed to allowing citizenship for people who have served in the U.S. military and  risked their lives for our country. (By the way, the answer to the question you are asking in your head right now is yes. We were wondering the same thing.)

8.)  Akin, whom we presume is an ardent fan of Nickelback, believes climate science is bogus.

9.) He supports a constitutional amendment to say life begins at conception.

10.) Akin has advocated for full withdrawal from the United Nations.

11.)  Akin believes Medicare is unconstitutional.  Not just imprudent or wasteful or a bad idea, but actually barred by the U.S. Constitution. Well, sometimes he believes that. Mostly when he is talking to Tea Party rallies. When he’s running attack ads against his opponent Claire McCaskill (D), he is suddenly outraged — outraged!! — that anyone would cut Medicare funding:

“Akin fights to protect and strengthen Medicare and Social Security, defending our Missouri values. Claire McCaskill … voted to cut and gut Medicare by $700 billion.”

12.)  Akin is one of the most anti-LGBT members of Congress.  He co-sponsored at least five anti-equality measures in the current Congress and warned in 2006 that “anybody who knows something about the history of the human race knows that there is no civilization which has condoned homosexual marriage widely and openly that has long survived.”  He also added an amendment to a defense bill that would allow military chaplains and other service members to openly criticize gay and lesbian lifestyles and the presence of homosexuals in the military.

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16 Responses to Rep. Todd Akin Officially Has Horrible Opinions On Every Single Thing In the Universe

  1. Michael Eigen

    at

    I thought you were referring to this:

    “First of all, from what I understand from doctors, [pregnancy from rape] is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down," Akin said.

    He is scary.

    They say a broken clock is right twice a day, so much for that theory.

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt

      at

      Holy Jeebus.

      I also love how the interviewer doesn't even react, just "mmhmm, yes, perfectly normal answer there. Here's my next question."

      • John

        at

        Whoa… Holy Jeebus is right, and I think the interviewer is scarier than Mr. Akin. "Let's go to the economy now". WTF!?

        • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

          Linda the Dolt

          at

          Hahahaha, I know, right? He's totally unfazed. Like OF COURSE women's bodies sort through the sperm to determine whether it is legitimate or illegitimate rape sperm. Everyone knows that. On to the economy…

        • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

          Linda the Dolt

          at

          Looks like the interviewer did at least realize his mistake a little later…
          http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/08/akin-le

    • ThreeFootSmurf

      at

      a broken clock is only right twice a day if it has hands. this one seems to be digital and the lcd is soaked (in stupid) and glitching out.

    • Chris

      at

      He's like a clock where the hands have fallen off.

  2. Linda (The Daily Dolt)

    Linda the Dolt

    at

    alsdfjasdlfuasofjkadnsvoasjflelk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What the ????????? I just saw this for the first time. Thank you to whoever posted that video. My mind just exploded. Bah!!

  3. Joshua

    at

    Too bad none of this matters to people who already vote Republican…

    • Linda (The Daily Dolt)

      Linda the Dolt

      at

      True. Maybe some sensible independents though?

    • R u ready 4 some foo

      at

      I'm sure that most republicans are legitimately offended, so their bodies and brains shut down so they won't vote against that prick.

  4. HarrietM

    at

    Akin signs are still all over Southern Missouri. These people do not care about anything except their own "team" winning. The fact that their "team leaders" are working hard to keep them poor and stupid is completely uninteresting and probably just liberal propaganda.

  5. Bitterbluez

    at

    Seems to me Akin is against anything that improves the "Human Condition". Perhaps his membership in the "Human Race" should be revoked.