Yesterday, pro-life Pennsylvania Rep. Mike Kelly (R – obviously) informed us all that August 1, 2012 would be a day that lives on in infamy, as it was the day the new requirement that health insurance companies cover contraceptive services for women went into effect:
“I know in your mind you can think of times when America was attacked. One is December 7th, that’s Pearl Harbor day. The other is September 11th, and that’s the day of the terrorist attack. I want you to remember August the 1st, 2012, the attack on our religious freedom. That is a day that will live in infamy, along with those other dates.”
And we thought to ourselves, “Self, right now would be a really opportune time to come up with some Connie Schultz-tastic rebuke that would pithily smack the stupid right out of Kelly’s mouth.” Here’s what we came up with:
“That Mike Kelly guy is really…dumb. His comparison is, like, really bad.”
We ultimately decided not to run an article on it.
But then today we awoke to what must be the most spectacular display of intellectual Harlem-Globetrotting we have ever witnessed. This is what Sen. Daniel Inouye (D-HI) had to say about Rep. Kelly’s comments:
“I witnessed the attack on Pearl Harbor and had the privilege of serving in the United States Army during World War II and I find the comments made by the Congressman from Pennsylvania to be misguided and insulting. It is complete nonsense to suggest that a matter discussed, debated, and approved by the Congress and the President is akin to a surprise attack that killed nearly 2,500 people and launched our nation into the second World War or a terrorist attack that left nearly 3,000 dead and led to fighting and dying in Afghanistan and Iraq. Having fought for this nation in Europe, I find that I have a special kinship with those who served in Afghanistan and Iraq and I routinely visit with the most severely wounded veterans of those conflicts. Just yesterday I met with a brave young man who lost all four of his limbs in Afghanistan. I hope the Congressman from Pennsylvania has the courage to share his comparison with them.”
[Update: Apparently, Rep. Mike Kelly has decided to double-down on the stupid. His office responded to Inouye’s remarks today: “The HHS mandate is an undeniable and unprecedented attack on Americans’ First Amendment rights.”]
By the way, are you familiar with Senator Dan Inouye (D-HI)? You need to be. He’s pretty much the greatest Congressman the United States has ever had (sorry, John Dingell). Allow us to digress for just a moment:
Basically, this Inouye dude has been awesoming all over the world since the day he was born. Remember how the U.S. did all sorts of racist things to Japanese-Americans during WWII? Do you think Inouye, a Japanese-American, went off to cry about it like all the rest of us would have? Hell no. As soon as the U.S. allowed him to join the Army, he volunteered to go fight against Nazi Germany, and then he proceeded to earn a Medal of Honor, a Bronze Star, and a Purple Heart. For what? Oh, you know, he just pried a live grenade out of his own severed hand in order to throw it at the enemy with his one remaining arm. Yeah. When he eventually returned to the U.S. after the war, he walked into a barber shop in his medal-encrusted military uniform and was told “We don’t cut Jap hair.” He didn’t like this, so naturally he just went to law school and became the first Japanese-American to ever serve in Congress, and he’s been spreading the awesome ever since.